A personal tragedy

bdbrown66

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May 16, 2016
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Friends,

I'm not one to share my personal business too much in a forum like this, but this time I will make an exception.

On Friday morning, November 27, 2020 we lost our 23-year-old son, Cary, to suicide. Cary was an exceptional young man: valedictorian of his HS class, a 4.0 honors electrical engineering student in his final year at UK, good-looking, and extremely well-liked by all who knew him. He was the type of person that others gravitated towards, whether that was others his age who had few friends or his younger cousins who always wanted to play with him at family gatherings. He was very polite, encouraging, and always helping those who needed a hand up. He set the bar high for his dreams and ambitions and worked very hard to achieve them. He also did the same for those in his circle, always encouraging them to be their very best.

In spite of all this, Cary was dealing with bouts of depression. The first major incident occurred when he had to cut short his exchange student program in Germany due to the Covid situation in the spring. He bounced back over the summer, and then experienced a relationship failure during the fall term that really knocked him down. Despite our repeated efforts to get him to see a counselor or therapist, Cary insisted that he could manage things on his own. Apparently, the pain became more than he could stand, and he sought the only way out that he could see.

As a way to honor his legacy, we intend to set up a memorial fund to promote mental health awareness and treatment for students at UK. If anyone would be interested in contributing to that fund, please email me at bdbrown66@gmail.com and I will contact you with further details when everything is in place.

Lastly, hug your kids more, let them know you love them, and do everything you can to help them navigate the struggles of life. You never know when the last time will be.

This is a picture of Cary at Octoberfest in Munich, Germany last fall. Our loss is beyond words.

Brian

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I cannot begin to imagine the pain you must feel at the death of your son. He must surely have felt acute desperation that led to this act. I can only guess at the sense of hopelessness that clouded his thinking, allowing him to become so focused on his own pain that he felt trapped and unable to do anything other than seek an exit. I do pray for grace and mercy for you and for all who knew your son. May the Living God give you hope in the face of this black time.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. As a father who also lost a son myself I know the hurt you are feeling right now. I would never wish this upon anyone. I do not have all the answers nor do I pretend to know some of the answers. I know you have good folks on this site who do care and they are good kind people. If I can do anything, or just be an ear to listen, please do not hesitate to give me a shout if that is something that might be useful for you and your family. Prayers for you all.

David
 
My prayers are with you and your family. Bless you on setting up Cary’s memorial fund to promote awareness of this tragic sickness.
Duane
 
There seems like there are no words that seem adequate but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please stay in touch here and please find the help you and your family need. I hope you can find a good pastor or Christian friend near you to help walk through this time.
 
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I can not imagine how difficult it must be for you and your family. My thoughts are with you and I hope you have friends, family, and/or professionals that can help you through this most difficult of times. Please feel free to reach out if I can be of service. Dan
 
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your son. Please except my sympathy from someone who has gone through this as well. I'm sure you will have questions and long to understand so I encourage you to reach out as you have here. My Aunt, a nurse talked with me and helped me accept and understand what happened in our family. As others have said if I can be of help or someone to talk to feel free. Dan.
 
Sorry for your loss.

I've lost 3 close friends to suicide over the years, one of them being my first "best friend" all through school... we had sorta went our separate ways after school but were still friends as always.... hadn't seen him in about 2 years due to moving a ways down the road, but he came to visit the day before he done it....I could tell something was off, but never imagined what was to come the next morning.

It was over a woman...

I've played that evening over in my head a million times since that happened in 1992 wishing I had done or said something differently that maybe could have prevented it... but I honestly don't know what, if anything, would have changed it.

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I pray you will find peace.

You and others in your sons life lost a piece of them when he passed.

Please be strong and vigilant for those so deeply effected.

Know myself and others will be praying for all of you.

I ache for your loss.


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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Cant imagine... seems that he had a positive affect on many around him. Maybe that can bring some solace and shine a light on the potential for this type of tragedy in the lives of others. Its so little compared to what you've lost... Perhaps at some point. CL
 
Thank you all for the kind words, and for those who have reached out.

For those who have experienced a similar situation, you have my deepest sympathies. Nothing prepares you for the shock and pain of something like this. You just can't understand it, unless you've experienced it first-hand. I don't recommend it.

Thankfully, we have been surrounded and overwhelmed by the love and support from our family, friends, neighbors, and various others. Many of Cary's friends have spoken to us or posted on his Facebook wall how he touched their lives in many ways. Sad to know that he could somehow not see how much he meant to us and to all of these other people, and how much damage would be left behind. But I guess depression does not allow for rational thinking. As a parent, I am deeply, deeply saddened by our loss, while at the same time being so very, very proud of the wonderful young man that he was. Our hope is to keep that spirit alive and make the world a little brighter, even in his absence.

Thank you for allowing me to share my son with you. And if you or anyone you know is suffering from depression or other mental illness, please get the help you need. You can't fight that battle on your own.

God bless,
Brian
 
Oh my... What a terrible thing.

Your family is in my prayers - it's about all I can do.

Guy
 
I’m am so sorry to hear of your loss. That is heartbreaking. I pray that the Lord may lift you all up in this dark time and carry you thru to better times. It’s sounds like your son was an amazing young man. Cling to that memory and hold your loved ones close.
 
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

JD338
 
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