Funny things from novice hunters

[Africa Huntress]

we hear some pretty amazing things from people who are first time hunters in Africa, but recently three fellows were arguing about how fast they could accurately shoot four shots at a charging lion and which type of action would help them achieve this--double, bolt, or lever ( semi;s are not legal everywhere in Africa and not considered reliable, so they were not part of their argument ). They went on and on and on about how this could be done by a certain action in 10, 15, 18 seconds, whatever and they were doing all this experiment in a relaxed stress free camp site-----a lion can run a 100 yards in half of their "best" estimated time and in the few seconds it takes to get to you, you are anything but relaxed--somehow this never dawned on them.

I bet salmonchaser, whelen35, fortyonesix and others also have some funny stories they have heard

Best Regards

Jamila

 

[c. schutte]

I could probably crap my pants 4 times due to a charging lion????????

 

[hunternyny]

I could probably crap my pants 4 times due to a charging lion????????

+ 1 I am with you Charles

Jamila, just for my education which is the fastest. Obviously the double is the fastest for two, which is all the time you would have if a lion was charging you, but four might go to the lever or the bolt

 

[Blkram]

I wouldn't call them funny; but I have heard some pretty amazing stories from young guys working in sporting good and hunting stores throughout western Canada over the years as to what the best caliber, or bullet choice for certain big game animals are. These have included bullets such as "target" bullets and full metal jacketed bullets (illegal here for hunting) for big game such as moose, elk, grizzly bear and buffalo.

What really amazes me is when you learn that they have never even hunted, let alone harvested one of the animals that they were just providing a customer advice on. Nor have they ever even fired the cartridge for which they were trying to sell the customer a rifle in.

Most of these kids are not given any sales or product knowledge, and are just parroting what they have heard the older or more experienced salesmen stating, or that they have heard customers state. I see this mostly in the bigger stores in the larger cities, where the kids work there because it is a cool place to work, but have no experience. But since one of our larger outlets on,y pays their store general managers $18-20/ hour, I guess you get what you pay for. I see it less in the stores in the smaller towns where the kids employed are likely to be farm kids that do get out to hunt, fish and trap with their families, and actually have real world experiences and knowledge to share. These individuals stand out pretty quickly. The salesman or salesgirl, regardless of age, that tells me that they do not know the answer to my question, but will find out for me right away gets my immediate respect and trust.

 

[lefty315]

I'd like to think I could maintain composure and not crap my pants.....but this is betting on the heart attack taking me out first...

 

[DrMike]

BlkRam is correct in stating that many of the sales personnel in the larger sporting goods stores are refugees from a sewing fabric store. The information can be generally discouraging.

Among the stories that stand out in my mind concerning hunters is one related by a guide in this area. He was guiding an NFL linebacker on a moose hunt. The footballer came carrying a 30-06. The hunt was conducted during the rut and a rather largish bull responded to the challenge. As the big critter came in, rocking from side-to-side and rolling his eyes, the linebacker stood and promptly cycled all his cartridges without firing a single shot. As the moose finally discerned what had happened, he whirled and rushed out of the clearing. The linebacker turned to the guide and stammered, "I shot him. I shot him five times. And he just turned and ran!" The guide pointed to the ground where there were five cartridges, unfired and pristine save for some dirt picked up during ejection onto the ground.

Another story related tells of a tyro from Canada who was on a guided hunt for moose. When the love-sick bull responded to the call, the big man stood up and promptly fainted. Yeah, they can be big and they can intimidate the neophyte moose hunter.

I laughed when reading of a US Senator who had gone on a brown bear hunt in Alaska. The guide had gotten the man into some prime territory. This Senator had purchased a 340 Weatherby Magnum just for this hunt. Apparently, he was unprepared for what might occur. As the hunting party moved downstream in a small boat, a grizzly took exception to their presence, charging into the water. The Senator was up to the job, however. The story is that he stood in the boat, threw his brand new Weatherby into the river while loudly announcing, "I declare this hunt at an end!" Since the bear was almost in the boat at that point, the guide shot the bear, which was almost off the end of the barrel as the story was related. The upstart of the account is that the Senator laid claim to the hide. After all, he had paid for the hunt.

Yeah, big animals can do strange things to people. Well, if fish make people go goofy, should we be surprised when large game cause us to lose all perspective.

I'll tell one on myself. My first grizzly hunt saw me looking down into a small clearing at a bear lazing in the sun. I was trying to get lined up, but hyperventilation ensured that the scope was jumping pretty violently. My hunting partner was urging me to shoot, but I couldn't get my breathing under control. Finally, the bear tired of presenting himself and wandered off into the bush. Never did see that critter again. What made this distressing to me is that my hunting partner captured the entire fiasco on video. What is worse, he gave me a copy and kept the original for himself. If I don't fess up, he could release it at any time.

 

[TackDriver284]

I could probably crap my pants 4 times due to a charging lion????????

I could have crapped more than 4 times. :lol: I went bowhunting back in late October for wild hogs. I was sitting down on a stool smaller than a 5 gallon bucket overlooking a feeder with nothing but heavy brush behind me and I was watching a group of hogs and picking one out as a 350 + pound boar walked up quietly from my right side and stared me down from about 10 feet away. I was about to take a crap too when I saw the immense size of it, towering over me while I was in a fetal position, and the ferocity looks of its tusks that I just froze there for a minute until he walked away to join his pack. Geez, I did not think the Rage would have any effect on him if I were to hit him in the shoulder. Must have been my lucky day.

 

[Africa Huntress]

Charles, John, Lefty, I hear you and can relate

Dr Mike, Gil, it is even worse sometimes for a female. I have lost count of how many times a sales clerk has said "oh honey, this is not something you would understand" and to make that even worse nine times out of ten, they did not have a clue what they were talking about, exactly as Gil stated in his post.

Dr Mike LOL! loved your stories, thank you

John. Dad shooting a 505 Gibbs bolt, and mom shooting a 450/400 Double, Dad has never been able to beat her on four shots, but let us not forget she has been shooting doubles since she was knee high to grasshopper ( not sure where that saying came from I got it from my dad ). Dont know about a lever as we dont use them much. Dad did buy a 475 Turnbull but to my knowledge they have not made any 4 shot comparisons with it nor has he hunted with it. Is my dad the only one who buys guns and then never hunts with them ? LOL

tackdriver, you posted as I was typing---too funny--well not for you

Best Regards

Jamila

 

[Fourtyonesix]

When I get clients that start ripping off stories I tell them I've already heard them all and that only thing they need to do to impress me is shoot
Straight when it's time.
Aside from the client that shot a croc in a park that had a poacher half hanging out of its mouth.
Or the hunter who had a giant python jump on his tracker and the tracker rolled forward and pinned the snake to the ground with his spear then stepped up and took its head off with his machete.
My favorite was the client sho was diagnoised with 1 year to live, took all his money, almost 100k and went on a month long hunting trip. I hunted with him like seven years after that trip. Lol he was back working trying to rebuild his retirement!! Ha

There's often a client who disagrees with everything I say or suggest. People who know more that have never done it, but talked to someone who has once or googled it. Those are a bit comical.

 

[DrMike]

I just got off the phone with BlkRam. We laughed at remembering some of the brilliant sales pitches we overheard when we worked a gun counter together. We recalled a gal selling a tyro nimrod a new rifle chambered in 270 Winchester. When he asked about the availability of ammunition, she promptly produced a box of 270 WSM ammunition, proudly proclaiming that it would send a bullet at warp speed into the heart of any critter. Good stuff and wonderful days gently interjecting and directing customers toward something that they could actually use.

I took a gentleman hunting on one occasion. He had never shot a black bear, but he was eager to do so. I had obtained permission from a farmer to hunt a field of oats on his property. I had taken the lead as we walked around the edge of the rather large field, the budding bruin hunter about twenty paces or so behind me, when I heard a stifled scream. I hied back to where I had heard the noise to see the young gentleman with bulging eyes pointing into the trees surrounding the field. It turned out that a sow and her two cubs had rushed from the field and into the trees directly in front of the tyro. I thought the hunt could be over at that point as he was shaking pretty badly as he stammered out his tale of a bear attack.

I managed to get the budding bear hunter calmed somewhat and set him up on a corner of the field that would allow him to overlook the field, seeing anything that might venture into the oats from the far side (a distance of perhaps 600 yards). I moved on down the edge of the field about forty yards and quietly settled into the trees to watch what might happen.

It wasn't but about fifteen minutes or so when I heard a piercing scream. There was genuine terror in the sound, prompting me to rush down the edge of the field to where my tyro hunter had been deposited. He was white as a sheet and trembling so much that he was having trouble standing. When I asked what the problem might be, he managed to stammer out a story that nearly dropped me to the ground laughing. It seems he was compelled to seek relief from the coffee we had drunk before going into the field. Being polite, he turned to the woods to relieve himself. Hearing a sound behind him, he had glanced over his shoulder, only to see a bear peering at him out of the standing oats. He had screamed, attempting to zip and grab for a rifle all at the same time. He nearly circumcised himself in the process, which only added to his terror. After recovering somewhat from the gales of laughter that had left me nearly breathless, I commented, "Well, she was probably a sow, wondering whether your intentions were honourable." Believe it or not, he failed to see the serious nature of my comment.

We hunted throughout the remainder of the afternoon, a period of about an hour and a half, when I saw a bear hie up a large tree about eight hundred yards of so across from us. I commented to the hunter that there must be a bigger bear in the area to cause that five foot bruin to scamper up the tree. I suggested that we take a walk around the field to see if we could get a look at the bigger bear.

I had cautioned my friend to take his time, moseying gently along the edge of the field so we didn't startle any bears. Of course, he was intent on getting over to where we had see the bruin climbing, so he began to stride off the steps. I attempted to slow him a couple of times, and finally gave up. I have shot quite a few bears, and if he didn't get a bear, it was his own problem. The path we followed had several undulations large enough that he disappeared from sight several times.

As he neared the spot where the bear had run out of the field to climb the tree, I was behind him at least fifty yards. He strode at full step over a small rise and disappeared from sight when I heard a scream and a gun shot! I hot-footed it to catch up only to find the neophyte nimrod shaking (it was getting to be a habit for him) and exceptionally pale.

"I shot a bear!" he exclaimed. "I shot a big bear!"

"Where is he?" I asked.

"He must be in the bush," the lad fairly shouted.

Now, this gent was armed with an 8mm Rem Magnum loaded with 220 grain Partitions. I got him calmed enough to point to where the bear was and what exactly happened. As he had dropped down into the slight dip in the trail, about ten years in front of him a large bear had rushed out of the oats. The poor bruin had been startled by the hunter rushing along the trail and was trying to make it to the trees. Startled, and believing that the bear was charging him, the hunter had fired from the hip. He insisted that he had killed the bear. A thorough examination of the ground revealed that there was neither hair nor blood to be found. Surveying the woods for an hour or so found no sign of a bear and no blood. My novice insisted that he had shot the bear, but I was equally insistent that a 220 grain Partition slamming into a bear after being launched from an 8 RM would leave some sort of sign that the animal was hit.

The fellow did at last shoot a bear, but it was weeks later and on that same field. He was quite proud of the two-year-old that had been run off by mom about four months earlier.

 

[truck driver]

The ones I always liked was the ones who brag about how many sound shots the had for the day. When asked what a sound shot was they said you know you here a noise in the bush and shoot at it. After lambasting them for their stupidity I left and made sure they were no where near me the rest of the hunt.

 

[TackDriver284]

Good stories Mike, Enjoyed them.

 

[Polaris]

I took a friend jump shooting ducks on the local river backwaters in my canoe. He was new to duck hunting and canoeing in general. As we coasted up to a beaver dam rising a few feet above the river level, I instructed him to slowly rise and be ready to shoot on a whispered 1-2-3. My concentration was on the pond above the dam, and as I rose and dumped 2 nice drakes on 3, I heard him say 'expletive' "I never even saw them". At this point he slowly turned from his firmly seated position and the look on his face to see me standing up... in a $*%R*&canoe! was priceless. "You're $^%$& standing up???!!! Crazy SOB!" He never went jumpshooting with me again that year. Has since become much more canoe savvy.

Same hunter had an opportunity to go back home and hunt some pheasants so I sent some handloaded heavy nickel plated lead #5 along with him. Pretty sure I said these were "pheasant shells" and mentioned nothing about using them for duck. A couple weeks later, I ran into him and he was very happy about how well those shells I gave him worked... on mallards! Yeah, I bet they did! Just like old days.

 

[SJB358]

Wow! Great stories.

I'll have to think on this one.

 

[super-7]

This is just a joke, hope no one takes offence!

A young guy from Saskatchewan moves to Vancouver and goes to abig "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experienceDave?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Saskatchewan ."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.
I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store waslocked up, the boss came down. How many customers bought something from youtoday?

The kid says "one".

The boss says "Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day.

How much was the sale for?"

The kid says $101,237.65".

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the **** did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a smallfish hook. Then I sold him amedium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a newfishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down thecoast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boatdepartment and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn'tthink his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotivedepartment and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him aBOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife",and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing."


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[c. schutte]

That's great!

 

[c. schutte]

A couple years ago I was hunting a ranch with other hunters that I did not know. I was by myself and there was a small group from out of state there. Nice guys but, some were my age and still did not have much of a clue.

One poor guy makes a shot and "misses". The land owner and I go to help. We go to where the shot was made and find blood. Track for a couple hours and never find the buck.

While tracking I ask the hunter a few questions about the rifle, ammo and things like that. It's his rifle but, he had no idea what kind of ammo, bullet weight or the last time he actually fired it. So he had no idea if it was dialed in or anything.

This is way too common of an occurrence.

 

[DrMike]

Tragically, not an uncommon occurrence, Charles.

 

[Blkram]

Super7;

Now that's funny! LMAO

 

[Africa Huntress]

Dr Mike, great story, enjoyed it !

Super 7------LOL !!

Charles, you would be surprised how often this happens ( your story ) along with "I just bought this gun and have never fired it"

Rodger, Scary!!!!!

Polaris--thank you, your story proves that it is not just big game hunters that run into "are you kidding me" situations

fortyonesix, the guy spending all his money and then finding out he is not dying--would that fall into the category of --good news/bad news lol

Best Regards

Jamila